What is FLR?
FLR stands for Female Led Relationship. As you can guess, it’s where the Dominant (leader) in a power exchange is a woman, having control and authority over a submissive or slave within defined limits. If the parties are married, this can also be referred to as female-led marriage (FLM) or wife-led marriage (WLM).
As with any other BDSM relationship, each FLR dynamic is unique, depending on what the participants enjoy. For some, it may be completely platonic (a service/worship based dynamic). Men to a greater extent enjoy humiliation and objectification. Some also indulge in sissification. Others prefer just the physical kink play, or a combination of both.
Here’s an insight into Her FLR by Ms Sunshyne:
Some of our rules are some of the obvious ones. We have to have trust/honesty in one another in order for anything to work. We are still trying to figure out who, if and when to add a third to our family. But as for our games we’ve tried different scenarios and fantasies. We have a toy chest and a costume closet.
We always discuss how we want our scenes to start (and possibly end) the day(s) before, just in case we want to add or change something in our scene. We also tend to improvise and that’s where our safe words/signals come into play. But our main goal is just to have fun and enjoy one another.
~ Mrs. Sunshyne
A slave’s yearning
The following text was submitted for sharing with others. It explains the deep seated feelings and motivations of a FLR slave:
Unowned submissive; beta male 42, sissy slave eager to learn more, with appreciation of the majority of kinks and fetishes, to further reduce my remaining hard limits to suit the prospective Owner whom I serve loyally, obediently and I conform with utmost respect to my Owners tastes, fetishes and limits. Orgasm denial, anal training and emasculation has my fragile boundaries diminishing, found myself gradually feminized and reinforcing my role in perpetual submission, evident in my personal life as I feel I am no longer deemed legible for vanilla heterosexual behavior.
The earlier days I felt vulnerable and isolated until I found I’m curtailed into long term F/m dynamic. Even though I spent several years Ownerless, I am loyal to Female Dominance, openly and public in my submission, my inevitable humiliation is irrelevant as I want to be of use. I submit at the feet of my Owner, ultimately to serve indefinitely under long term FLR dynamic.
~ mistresstoy768
The difference between a ProDomme and Lifestyle Mistress
For newcomers, there is confusion about the different “types” of Mistresses out there. In a very general sense, there are two types; one that you pay for and one that’s essentially a dominant girlfriend or wife.
A ProDomme or Dominatrix is a professional who provides services and sessions in exchange for payment. Yes, these dynamics may develop into a long-term, intimate relationship, but usually, a Pro Dom is not seeking this from her clients. Nor should slaves expect this to happen.
A Lifestyle Mistress on the other hand is the woman leader in a long term relationship. This may involve leadership and control, or there may be kink involved as well. The flavor of the dynamic is colored by the tastes, needs, wants and desires of those involved. Lifestyle Dommes are harder to find unfortunately. Some desiring slaves have taken the liberty of turning their girlfriend into one. Of course, as with anything in BDSM, this should always be done with enthusiastic consent.
Here are some rules and ideas for interactions in FLRs:
Short and Sweet BDSM Rule Ideas for FLR
Here are some some quick rule ideas for getting you started in Female Led Relationships.
Some are written in a formal way so you can simply add them to your contract or agreement if you have one. If not, use them for ideas any way you wish.
FLR rules for bed time
Sub kneels by Domme’s bedside each night, kisses her feet and tucks her into bed.
Sub then waits for permission to enter bed.
~ Charlotte & Richard
Restriction on watching porn
No porn watching or reading (only if I say they can, with specific instructions on how many, how long and which subject).
I like to enforce this rule because I don’t want them distracted and riled by porn. Most male slaves come with an addiction to porn (and jacking off to it).
~ Domina Feline du Nord
Transparency requirement
A protocol that is big with me whenever I interact with my toys is they’re not allowed to stay silent.
They must be transparent with their thoughts and feelings.
~ Mistress Nikita
Earning pleasure
To receive pleasure, you must earn it and must always give thanks to Mistress for all you are given immediately after receiving it, for such things are gifts or privileges granted to you by Mistress.
This also includes any punishment and discipline that you may receive so that you may grow in bondage and serve Mistress better.
~ Anonymous
Awaiting Her presence
I am always required to be kneeling naked by the door waiting Mistress’s return home.
Such action demonstrates not only my desire for Her physical presence, but an example of my constant dependability and submission to Her!
~ cumtoy
Rules this Domme enjoys
No talking unless spoken to.
No direct eye contact.
~ Trina
My favorite ritual
Kissing each foot of my Mistress once She orders something to me.
~ ADORPICIOARE
Morning Coffee with Mistress
When Mistress wakes in the morning, it is O/our ritual to have coffee and discuss O/our upcoming day.
This gives Mistress and i an opportunity to set the tone for the day. i enjoy my coffee at Her feet, and Her reviewing Her day with me allows me an opportunity to prepare for Her needs throughout the day.
~ BK
Name rule for dehumanization
In every contact with my Domina I am consequently addressed by number (7), not by my name.
I am also not allowed to use my name myself. When we are together, I wear a small badge that shows my number.
~ Seven
my simple FLR rules
Always calling her Mistress because it shows respect.
Wearing a chastity device as a constant reminder of his role.
~ Anon
Requirement from a High Protocol Domme
I am a high protocol Domme. When My slaves enter My home they are to strip naked and crawl to My feet expressing their appreciation at being allowed to do so.
I enjoy these protocols as it sets the tone for the rest of the session.
~ Tara Tanglewood
Humiliation at dinner
Domme spits into subs food every dinner time. This is a very simple way of showing who is boss and is good for subs who enjoy humiliation.
Very quick and easy to do and can even be done when eating out, if done discretely!
~ Charlotte & Richard
Daily messages
Each morning and night must text Madame with appropriate message for time of day. Including something about one’s own day may earn value points.
Response from Madame is not to be expected, but graciously accepted if one is received.
~ Muzzo
When in chastity
I would like a rule that whenever I’m in chastity that she’s the boss. I have to do as she says (within any limits we negotiate). I feel this will make me a better partner to my Mistress by molding me to be the best person for her that I can.
~Tony B.
Constant reminders
As a sissy I am required to curtsy whenever Mistress enters the room.
I must always lift my dress or skirt and sit on my panties or bare bum.
These rules are a constant reminder of my submissiveness and are even enforced in front of Mistresses friends. Punishment results if I forget the rules.
~ sissycindy
More FLR Rules, Ideas & Insights Submitted by Others
Pledge to Mistress
I always recite a pledge while on my knees to Mistress upon arrival:
“I pledge to be an absolute, obedient and perfect slave to Mistress. She owns my cum and there is nothing I can do about it except beg. All of life comes to me with ease, joy and gratitude when I am serving Mistress.
Mistress is superior in every way. Mistress makes all of the rules. I pledge to follow those rules.
I pledge not to cum with anyone else and my dick will go limp in the presence of all others except as directed by Mistress.
I pledge to love the taste of my cum and swallow every drop as it is the ultimate gift from Mistress.”
That is it. It works for us and Mistress loves it.
~ Jeff
Complete control & cultivating femdom supremacy
- A slave’s Mistress may use him for any purpose, including, but not limited to, BDSM torture, sissification, sexual gratification, humiliation, or degradation.
- You will submit to Mistress’s will. You are bound to Her and you will accept authority over you. Your purpose is to serve, obey and please a Goddess. Mistress will guide, discipline and control you in a manner intended to train you to satisfy her.
These appeal to me because I want my sub to completely submit to me, I want full control over their body. - Communication is one of the most important factors in the evolution of a femdom supremacy relationship. Listen with a strong interest in whatever Mistress says. Answer each and every communication sent to you by the Mistress.
- Be both precise and exact in your communication. Give as complete and accurate answers to questions when Mistress asks you.
These rules appeal to me because I want my sub to let me in on all their plans, I need to know what they are doing at all times. This helps give me full control.
~ Mistress L
Feminization & sissification rules
- Panties must be worn 24/7.
- Bra and falsies must be worn whenever possible.
- You will always sit to pee.
- If possible, you will be in chastity always.
- All pleasure will be derived from your nipples or ass-pussy.
- You will have a plug in your ass 24/7.
These are important steps on the road to feminization and sissification.
~ Fred Jones
Your fantasies, Mistress’s choice
Rule: No erotic, sensual or sexual touching of the body, no part whatsoever. The body is touched for hygienic and sanitary purposes.
Any other touching only when specifically instructed.
No fantasizing about other uses of body parts while performing hygienic or sanitary actions.
Why: I want your attention on me, not on your wants and fantasies. If I want you to fantasize about anything, I will give instructions.
~ Domina Feline du Nord
2 Favorite FLR rules by Mistress Tish
1. Slave must always present himself to Mistress prior to beginning playtime. He will get into slave position #1 (Nadu) Naked and be ready for inspection.
This is my favorite one. It gets the slave ready for the ensuing festivities. He enjoys it because it puts him in the mindset and allows him to let go of the world around him. Inspection is important to make sure the slave is up to Mistresses standards.
2. Slave must communicate all feelings, whether bad or good, to Mistress. It is important to discuss all matters together.
This is another one of my favorites. Because communication in the lifestyle is so important. All things, even the ones that are hard to talk about, need to be brought up to face value and discussed like adults. Especially if it relates to sexual activities. You have to know very well what your submissive can and cannot do.
It’s also for mental health and to show your submissive that you are there for help and guidance and sometimes just to listen.
I hope you enjoyed my favorite 2 rules I’ve created with my slave.
~ Mistress Tish
The rules my Mistress finds most interesting
- Every time I take my HRT medication I am to be on my knees and recite the mantra “I will become a perfect slut for my Owner” for 3 minutes;
- I am to be locked in my tiny chastity device at all times and I am to wear a pad in my panties so that I don’t soil them;
- I am to have my fingernails kept long and painted in a color chosen by Mistress at all times;
- For every year of service to my Mistress, I am to get a new letter tattooed above my genitals until the whole tattoo reads “Property of Mistress Ella”;
- Mistress is currently looking into the possibility of having a chip with a GPS tracker designed for a dog implanted in Her property so she can properly follow me around during the day, while She is at work;
- The Slut is to have her nipples pierced for her Owner’s pleasure.
I enjoy these because I enjoy being Mistress’ slut and property and because if Mistress is happy than I am happy
~ Lexi
Feeling in control
All subs must disrobe when they enter My Sanctuary.
They may not speak, unless spoken to, during play time. They may ask for permission to speak and wait until permission is granted.
Seeing as My subs are naked, the chance of “dripping” on My floor is always a possibility. If that ever does happen, they are made to eat it!
These all help Me feel in control, they are all along the lines with power exchange. It involves My sub handing over their power to Me, their Domme!
~ Maitresse Synthia
Sexy FLR rule ideas
1) Strip off all clothing once you enter the house.
2) Greet me with a kiss on the cheek, hand, foot or neck before speaking to me.
3) Always address me as ‘Queen’ in the bedroom.
~ Queen Star
What are your favorite rules for FLR power exchange?
Please add your comments below.
For my 6 year cuckold marriage, I was forbidden to have sex with my wife. I was in chastity, and lived as her female maid. I obeyed any orders without question. Our only sex related “ritual” was that before she went on dates, I was allowed to lick her ass after she showered. She said it as good for my training and showed me that I wasn’t worthy of sex with her, and men got what’s in front as I licked the back. I went from being resentful and jealous, and instead became grateful to lick her sweet ass.
Because we are doing social distance submission, I require my sub to say good morning and goodnight every day, if I’m ignoring them as punishment they get no response.
When we video chat they must ask for permission to look at me. Also occasionally as punishment i’ll make them video chat with me with a bag over their head so I don’t have to see their worthless face.
I also ask them to text me asking “May I relieve myself, Goddess” every time they need to use the bathroom. Or sometimes “Is your toy allowed to touch itself?” if they want to masturbate.
With safe words in place, they must do everything I ask or face punishment. I also ask that they tell me whether or not they are enjoying a punishment because obviously sometimes I don’t want them to enjoy their punishment at all.
I have them write degrading things on their body like “I don’t deserve to cum. Or, I am a worthless slut.” and then send me pictures. For extra humiliation I make the write it someplace that people might see a few letters, or if possibly the whole phrase.
I have them send videos of them slapping themselves, or whipping themselves, also bowing/kneeling, licking the floor, choking themselves and doing other humiliating tasks.
I send them voice messages of me degrading them and insulting them. They particularly enjoy when l call them and walk them through the way I’d like them to touch themself. They also really like when I describe the ways I want to hurt, humiliate, and degrade them. They love being owned by me and get very aroused when I describe the ways I’d use their body for my pleasure.
If you need more quarantine bdsm tips, google has been very useful to me for sparking ideas.
Probably the most erotic and expectant time for me is when i arrive at my Mistress’s home. As soon as i enter and without any words being spoken, i strip naked and kneel before Her. She looks me over; then very gently and sensitively rubs Her fingers across the skin of my shoulders, chest and upper back, face and hair. When She completes this, She very quietly tells me to rise and face Her. She touches me again; sides, stomach and genitals…gently squeezing my balls. Then i am quietly told to turn around and She rubs my back and ass cheeks, running Her fingers up the crack of my ass and finally tells me to bend over and pull my ass cheeks apart. Her fingers rim my rosebud and She gently penetrates my asshole with Her finger. i can feel Her inside of me twitching Her finger against the walls of my canal. When She finishes, i am told to rise and sit on a bench where we have light conversation and await the day’s active play session.
A couple of rules I think should be observed in a female led relationship is that the slave must always have a gift for every time he comes to visit his mistress and the slave should never expect a reward for doing good, his only reward is knowing he will not be punished for doing wrong.
My Mistress has a set of rules that are simple to follow. l will always be below her which means wherever we are l sit to the right on the floor or kneel. She has put my collar back on. If we go out to eat I do not speak unless given permission. At home legs cuffed and hands chained so I can carry out chores and accept her punishment that she deems fit. Usually a good paddling and corner time..and chastity. These are the simple terms we agreed to.
But then l thought l could make a deal with her which involved getting out of punishment if I received enough votes from others on the internet, and l did win. Even Mistress said yes l had won fair and square so for a couple of weeks l was on top of the world. But Mistress had enough; she said “come here, so you don’t want to obey just because. Well, l have something else in store for you. slave you are my man right?” Yes, Mistress. “Did you know that l can change that in a heartbeat?” Then all of a sudden l am wearing a pink apron and she says “this is how sissy’s struts do you want this?” No Mistress please!! So for 48 hours l had to wear that thing. After that she told me to come see her, “take that repulsive thing off unless you want to be a sissy and disobey me about just because. l want a man slave, not a sissy”. Yes Mistress, l promise not to do anything like that again. Then l dropped to my knees and she came over to me. We had a great kiss said l love you.
ps. thank God she threw that damn thing away.
Lesson learned – never try to trick your Mistress, she knows best for you.
It looks like FLRs are really all about BDSM. I guess females are the oversexed gender and males are the only ones who know how to behave themselves. Why else would a woman want total control in the bedroom?
I loved the rules of my Mistress and slave Contract. I loved my Sissy life.
I always enjoy reading articles that come from both the dominate and submissive view points regarding a true FLR. I found I thrive in this type of relationship and this is why I chose and embrace this lifestyle. The key here is o CHOSE this type of relationship.
It’s been 16 yrs and running strong! Reading the rules above I can say we all have similar rules/ rituals that we perform for our Dominates. It’s wasn’t as easy as many who contemplate this lifestyle may think. Learning to “flip” what most males have been taught over their lives takes time and constant reprograming, but is worth it if you embrace the effort. You also have to learn to release any resentment that WILL creep into your relationship from time to time.
Example- this happened to me; I work outside the home and she doesn’t. I come home to my household duties. You make dinner, serve, clean up the kitchen, maybe get some laundry done and other duties we have agreed on. I generally work in the home from 6am till 9:30pm. It tough to get everything completed in that time. The weekends are jam packed with household and yard duties for 12-14 hours.
With my dominate spending the majority of her time at the gym, on the computer or her phone, shopping or talking to friends. She would always go out with a few friends every Friday and Saturday nights leaving me chained with a long list of duties to complete by the time she got home. I am not allowed any technology, TV or radio in the home (yes I agreed to this) I have several books about FLR’s I can read when I have time. I journal everyday (600 word minimum) hated this at first. Love it now!!! If your doing this start.
She has a sister in town and I am loaned to her often to fix things around her home or get her caught up on her domestic duties. It seemed so unfair that I had all my work and then spend a day or two at her sisters who has three older children. The laundry alone is crazy. All the while my duties at home are piling up. Nothing like cooking and cleaning for four then coming home to a pile of dishes, clothes everywhere and more laundry 🙂
To be honest, this was an issue after a few months. We talked it through and I know better how much this enhances her life and mental wellbeing. It takes time guys to get this right in your head! But it is more than worth the effort.
It took time to work up to a ever growing set of rules, but even after spending several months negotiating our agreement… Things change and life happens. Keep evolving too! For the last 12 years I have been in 24/7 chastity. Regardless what you read it took me over six months and numerous devices to get here. Did I like it.. No, but my dominate loves the security it offers.
Wearing women apparel at times.. It’s a blow to our male ego, but after year’s of wearing her panties, I am not sure I would fill comfortable in men’s briefs any longer. For those of you who have had to wear a bra, garter belt or nylons you understand my position. When you get a little cocky, don’t be surprised when you find yourself in this type of training! Dominates this is extremely effective.
Punishments- it took time to understand why a grown man needs negative enforcement, but I can say after 16 years, we are going strong. When we look back at the troubled times in our relationship we noticed it was when we got in a rut and discipline was lacking. I am a strong believer of regular or “scheduled” discipline. Its not gun, but necessary to keep the balance in a strict FLR.
But punishments need to be consistent and not harmful! Find your balance. They also need to be long enough to be effective. 15 minutes in a corner doesn’t serve much purpose. Two hours gets you there.
Learn to use punishments as a learning tool. Corner time for example. I use this time to think about my day, what’s coming this week and naturally, why I was put there. Also how my daily duties are now going to take much longer to complete.
5-10 lashes with a belt or crop is again mostly useless for the majority of men in FLR’s. 99% of men do not like to be whipped!!!! So 30-40 lashes with a wide leather belt, or more will get our focus back but be careful if your new to this!!! Do your research.
Dominates, please don’t go easy on your partner. It hurts the relationship in the long run. We need to be reminded who’s in charge!
We chose this and thrive in this lifestyle so my advice is to understand it’s not going to be fair, but you always know where you stand!
In the end it’s all about making your dominates life happy!! And I LOVE IT. Almost every minute 🙂
Stay safe.
My mistress are guiding me step by step in this lifestyle. At the beginning I had to serve her only and I loved her very much. But after a while she introduced me to her friends and ordered me to serve them too. I couldn’t believe it that I was „sold“ from my mistress to others. I was very disappointed because I only wanted to serve her and no one else. But she insisted and I had to serve her friends. She vanished and I had to serve only one of her friends. I didn’t like it serve every day a different mistress. But she ordered it and I had to obey. After a few weeks I was surprised that I enjoyed serving several mistresses. I cannot explain how this could happened.