BDSM Rules for Female Led Relationships (FLR)

About FLR
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What is FLR?

FLR stands for Female Led Relationship. As you can guess, it’s where the Dominant (leader) in a power exchange is a woman, having control and authority over a submissive or slave within defined limits. If the parties are married, this can also be referred to as female-led marriage (FLM) or wife-led marriage (WLM).

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As with any other BDSM relationship, each FLR dynamic is unique, depending on what the participants enjoy. For some, it may be completely platonic (a service/worship based dynamic). Men to a greater extent enjoy humiliation and objectification. Some also indulge in sissification. Others prefer just the physical kink play, or a combination of both.

Here’s an insight into Her FLR by Ms Sunshyne:

Some of our rules are some of the obvious ones. We have to have trust/honesty in one another in order for anything to work. We are still trying to figure out who, if and when to add a third to our family. But as for our games we’ve tried different scenarios and fantasies. We have a toy chest and a costume closet.

We always discuss how we want our scenes to start (and possibly end) the day(s) before, just in case we want to add or change something in our scene. We also tend to improvise and that’s where our safe words/signals come into play. But our main goal is just to have fun and enjoy one another.

~ Mrs. Sunshyne

A slave’s yearning

The following text was submitted for sharing with others. It explains the deep seated feelings and motivations of a FLR slave:

Unowned submissive; beta male 42, sissy slave eager to learn more, with appreciation of the majority of kinks and fetishes, to further reduce my remaining hard limits to suit the prospective Owner whom I serve loyally, obediently and I conform with utmost respect to my Owners tastes, fetishes and limits. Orgasm denial, anal training and emasculation has my fragile boundaries diminishing, found myself gradually feminized and reinforcing my role in perpetual submission, evident in my personal life as I feel I am no longer deemed legible for vanilla heterosexual behavior.

The earlier days I felt vulnerable and isolated until I found I’m curtailed into long term F/m dynamic. Even though I spent several years Ownerless, I am loyal to Female Dominance, openly and public in my submission, my inevitable humiliation is irrelevant as I want to be of use. I submit at the feet of my Owner, ultimately to serve indefinitely under long term FLR dynamic.

~ mistresstoy768

The difference between a ProDomme and Lifestyle Mistress

For newcomers, there is confusion about the different “types” of Mistresses out there. In a very general sense, there are two types; one that you pay for and one that’s essentially a dominant girlfriend or wife.

A ProDomme or Dominatrix is a professional who provides services and sessions in exchange for payment. Yes, these dynamics may develop into a long-term, intimate relationship, but usually, a Pro Dom is not seeking this from her clients. Nor should slaves expect this to happen.

A Lifestyle Mistress on the other hand is the woman leader in a long term relationship. This may involve leadership and control, or there may be kink involved as well. The flavor of the dynamic is colored by the tastes, needs, wants and desires of those involved. Lifestyle Dommes are harder to find unfortunately. Some desiring slaves have taken the liberty of turning their girlfriend into one. Of course, as with anything in BDSM, this should always be done with enthusiastic consent.

Here are some rules and ideas for interactions in FLRs:

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How this works?

Short and Sweet BDSM Rule Ideas for FLR

Here are some some quick rule ideas for getting you started in Female Led Relationships.

Some are written in a formal way so you can simply add them to your contract or agreement if you have one. If not, use them for ideas any way you wish.

Daily messages

Each morning and night must text Madame with appropriate message for time of day. Including something about one’s own day may earn value points.

Response from Madame is not to be expected, but graciously accepted if one is received.

~ Muzzo

Requirement from a High Protocol Domme

I am a high protocol Domme. When My slaves enter My home they are to strip naked and crawl to My feet expressing their appreciation at being allowed to do so.

I enjoy these protocols as it sets the tone for the rest of the session.

~ Tara Tanglewood

Name rule for dehumanization

In every contact with my Domina I am consequently addressed by number (7), not by my name.

I am also not allowed to use my name myself. When we are together, I wear a small badge that shows my number.

~ Seven

Humiliation at dinner

Domme spits into subs food every dinner time. This is a very simple way of showing who is boss and is good for subs who enjoy humiliation.

Very quick and easy to do and can even be done when eating out, if done discretely!

~ Charlotte & Richard

my simple FLR rules

Always calling her Mistress because it shows respect.

Wearing a chastity device as a constant reminder of his role.

~ Anon

Rules this Domme enjoys

No talking unless spoken to.
No direct eye contact.

~ Trina

Restriction on watching porn

No porn watching or reading (only if I say they can, with specific instructions on how many, how long and which subject).

I like to enforce this rule because I don’t want them distracted and riled by porn. Most male slaves come with an addiction to porn (and jacking off to it).

~ Domina Feline du Nord

Morning Coffee with Mistress

When Mistress wakes in the morning, it is O/our ritual to have coffee and discuss O/our upcoming day.

This gives Mistress and i an opportunity to set the tone for the day. i enjoy my coffee at Her feet, and Her reviewing Her day with me allows me an opportunity to prepare for Her needs throughout the day.

~ BK

My favorite ritual

Kissing each foot of my Mistress once She orders something to me.

~ ADORPICIOARE

Earning pleasure

To receive pleasure, you must earn it and must always give thanks to Mistress for all you are given immediately after receiving it, for such things are gifts or privileges granted to you by Mistress.

This also includes any punishment and discipline that you may receive so that you may grow in bondage and serve Mistress better.

~ Anonymous

Transparency requirement

A protocol that is big with me whenever I interact with my toys is they’re not allowed to stay silent.

They must be transparent with their thoughts and feelings.

~ Mistress Nikita

Constant reminders

As a sissy I am required to curtsy whenever Mistress enters the room.

I must always lift my dress or skirt and sit on my panties or bare bum.

These rules are a constant reminder of my submissiveness and are even enforced in front of Mistresses friends. Punishment results if I forget the rules.

~ sissycindy

Awaiting Her presence

I am always required to be kneeling naked by the door waiting Mistress’s return home.

Such action demonstrates not only my desire for Her physical presence, but an example of my constant dependability and submission to Her!

~ cumtoy

When in chastity

I would like a rule that whenever I’m in chastity that she’s the boss. I have to do as she says (within any limits we negotiate). I feel this will make me a better partner to my Mistress by molding me to be the best person for her that I can.

~Tony B.

FLR rules for bed time

Sub kneels by Domme’s bedside each night, kisses her feet and tucks her into bed.

Sub then waits for permission to enter bed.

~ Charlotte & Richard

More FLR Rules, Ideas & Insights Submitted by Others