BDSM Rule Ideas for Mental Health

If you are struggling with anxiety, depression or other mental health challenges you are certainly not alone.

I was hesitant in mentioning my struggles with anxiety and stress, thinking somehow that it made me weak (or imperfect) and that you would think less of me.

Quite the opposite! From the number of responses I received saying how you can relate and telling me about your own personal battles with anything from social phobia to depression, I realized just how common these experiences are.

The cause can be anything from experiencing a loss, conflict with family or solely brain chemistry.

It’s important to realize that negative emotions can affect anyone. Whether you identify as a D-type (Dominant, Master, Mistress etc.), s-type (submissive, slave, little etc.) or another personality type, role or identity, considerations for mental health can be weaved into our dynamics and relationships.

Though no advice or tools can replace seeing a qualified therapist, the physical and emotional benefits of BDSM and power exchange can help calm your nerves, bring you a sense of comfort and peace and to feel good overall.

Here are some rules and ideas to help with mental health in the context of a Dom/sub relationship.

Also, here is one of the responses I received. It cheered me up – I hope it’ll make you smile too:

“…remember to be kind to yourself. Even at the worst of times, you aren’t down and out… just down. Everything will be okay.”

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How this works?

Short and Sweet BDSM Rule Ideas for Mental Health

Here are some some quick rule ideas for maintaining positivity in power exchange relationships.

They are written in a formal way so you can simply add them to your contract or agreement if you have one. If not, use them for ideas any way you wish.

Daily meditation & evidence

Once per day, the submissive will take 10 minutes to meditate (just sit and concentrate on his breath). Immediately following, he will send Mistress a text with a positive thought.

People pleasing to your detriment

The submissive acknowledges that she, her mental health and the Dominant all come before doing favors for others.

When triggered

When being triggered, the submissive shall not react. Rather, he shall remove himself from the person, conversation or situation quickly and as discreetly as possible.

Prioritizing precious time

Once a month, the submissive will write out a list of current commitments for a priority assessment (adding new items which bring joy and eliminating items which are unnecessary or no longer bring satisfaction).

Slave is not an entertainer

Slave shall not entertain narcissists by continuing non-constructive arguments with any toxic persons.

Breathing through crises

When Babygirl is feeling anxious, she must stop whatever she is doing at the time (unless absolutely unpractical) and take five minutes to perform her breathing exercises.

More In Depth Rules & Insights for Mental Health and BDSM

Here are some rules, ideas and insights detailing personal experiences of others.

Practice Self Autonomy

With my current Dom, W/we practice more self autonomy. It makes the times He pulls the Dom card more special. He mostly corrects my life outlook and *stinking thinking*

~ Blueswan8

Clarify and Release through Journalling

I shall journal every morning as the first activity for the day.

This ensures if there are negative issues, that they don’t circulate in my mind throughout the day. It helps to clarify the issues and to release them.

I must not hold back or try to make things look pretty – raw emotion only. Each journal entry must end with either: a lesson learned or a positive note.

Sir has access to my journal at all times so he knows what’s going on and can make decisions accordingly.

I shall not be punished for anything written in my journal, even if negative against Sir (although I shall always be respectful when expressing thoughts about Sir).

~ Liliana

Negative Talk Counteract

One of my favorite rules is that whenever I say something negative about myself, I have to come back with 5 positive things about myself. I struggle with bad self-image so Daddy helps me with that.

~ Dviant Bunny

Sir is Not My Therapist

Sir is NOT my therapist. I will not put the responsibility of my emotions in the hands of my Sir. I acknowledge it is MY responsibility – this means I realize he cannot make my anxiety go away or cure my depression. Even if he was a qualified therapist, it would be unethical for him to treat me.

As my Dominant, he can for example make sure I make and keep appointments to a therapist, ensure that I follow recommended treatments, structure my day for me, set punishments for comfort eating and/or command me to research other resources and tools to help. He cannot cure me and I cannot have that expectation.

~ Liliana

No Negative Self Talk

One of my favorite rules is no negative self talk. I have a disability and was in a pretty rough relationship before current one.

My daddy noticed that I was repeating all the negative things my ex said about me.

Between that and feeling guilty about my disability keeping me from doing things, I was spending all day putting myself down.

It was a hard rule at first, but it truly changed my attitude about myself and several family members and friends have commented on how I’m back to my old, happy self.

~ Alicat

Obligation to Notify

Both Master and slave agree to notify the other immediately upon experiencing negative emotions beyond just feeling down.

Within 24 hours, the parties will hold a discussion with the aim of preparing a mental health action plan, which may involve seeing a therapist if deemed necessary.

Mantra for Re-centering a Slave

If my slave/sub is feeling anxious or stressed I have them say the mantra “Master/Dom chose me!”, it seems to help, they tell me. It re-centers them.

~ MedicLPN

Not Permitted

Dying and self harm are not allowed under any circumstances. This applies to the Dominant and submissive.

~ Anonymous

Peace in Knowing & Structure

As someone who struggles a lot with anxiety, having a codified, written and mutually consenting agreement really helps a lot of knowing what is acceptable and appreciated in a dynamic.

It’s reaffirming to have these discussions over even minor and sometimes assumed conflicts and opens the door to communication that might otherwise be closed.

While not for everyone, protocols and contracts can help those who struggle with similar experiences to find peace in what could normally be a difficult to navigate dynamic.

~ Ryona