A Dom/sub (D/s) relationship is where one person (the submissive) gives power to another (the Dominant) over certain parts of erotic, sexual or kinky play and/or aspects of their life.

There are many types of D/s dynamics. In a very general sense, there’s:

play only – where the power exchange is limited to scenes only and doesn’t extend beyond the dungeon or bedroom;
part time D/s – for example weekends only;
24/7 – where the Dom always has control within the limits of the agreement. May not include micromanagement or TPE;
micromanaged – an arrangement where even the smallest actions like bathroom use are controlled by the Dom;
total power exchange (TPE) – authority is given to the D-type over all aspects of the sub’s life. The sub retains only the power to walk away.

Once you know how involved you wish to be, here are some example rules which others have used to create and deepen their dynamic.

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Short and Sweet BDSM Rule Ideas for Dom Sub Relationships

Here are some some quick rule ideas for creating and maintaining power exchange relationships.

Many have been submitted by others. Where no name is mentioned, the person wished to remain anonymous.

sub’s journal rule

My Dom likes me to write in my journal to see my personal thoughts and fears. We use it as a tool for communication.

~ Sweet baby cakes

Kneel at the bed

Kneel at the side of the bed at night waiting to be invited in or instructed to sleep on the floor – power over the sub is a big turn on for me.

Dom and sub to exercise

We tend to keep exercise in the contract as a form to keep any motivation. (I.e 30mins-hr daily exercise is required).

~ Ian

Proper frame of mind

The Dominant agrees to not submit the submissive to a session when he might not be in the proper frame of mind to administer it.

Addressing the Dom

Submissive will always address Dominant as “Sir” and keep my eyes respectfully lowered.

Dom’s care of the sub

The Dominant will always be open to the submissive’s concerns and thoughts, worries and stresses, and will encourage her to always open up and express her feelings and concerns to him without fear of punishment.

Before anything starts

First thing upon meeting with My subs, I ask for an expression of affection, like a hug. This has us focus first on our loving relationship before we delve deep into D/s protocols.

~ Sir Eric LeFavre

Send Dom a pic

Sub should send a pic when wake up and just before sleep.

~ Henry

Breakfast on demand

I must make my Dom breakfast on demand (timing varies from day to day) – throws a random “spanner” into timings for completing other routine chores.

Not a mind reader

Always communicate what you like. Never be silent if you don’t like anything your partner does. No one is a mind reader.

~ J

Respect

So many have forgotten how important respect is in every day Life. Being in this lifestyle also requires respect from both parts.

~ Knighthawk45

Daily greetings

Miss must Meet Sir at the door for greetings daily, with outfit of Sir’s choice.

~ Miss Phoenix

Sub’s Collar

A rule that I’d like is that I would be expected to wear my collar necklace at all times.

~ Susan

Thanking Sir

The submissive will always thank Sir after play, or sexual use.

Sub’s hygiene rules

Submissive will keep herself cleaned and shaved and/or waxed at all times.

~ Trap and Harley

sub’s sexual training

The Dom will undertake to train the sub in the sexual activities that the Dom desires her to perfect, so that she may serve him better.

Touching Toys

The submissive will never touch a toy, or masturbate unless instructed to do so.

My top 3 rules

Be good.
Ask ‘is my choice making my Dom’s life easier’?
See number 1 and 2

~ Jasper

Greet me on arrival

Greet me on arrival on knees ready to serve – I enjoy the sub being available for use immediately I arrive home.

Chastity

My main rule is chastity for my submissive, which I control. This is most appealing because it was her idea to submit this ownership to me and relinquish all control.

~ Dominus

More In Depth Rules & Insights for Dom sub BDSM Relationships

Here are some rules, ideas and insights submitted by others. Hopefully they will give you some inspiration for your D/s relationship.

Set out my work attire

My submissive is to set out my work attire (shirt, tie, pants, shoes) every evening for the next morning.

Forgetting to do so results in being woken up (I’m up very early) with a spanking and then apologizing with her mouth.

This appeals to me to give her a daily task. I do like it though when she forgets.

Keeping the romance alive

1. Exchange letters once a while to express how much you appreciate each other (Why: my partner is the biggest introvert and loves writing).

2. Remind your partner your love for them outside the dynamic if you’re in a romantic relationship (Why: sometimes getting lost in the dynamic triggers insecurities on a romantic level).

~ Sidan

Third person speech

Have the sub speak of herself in the third party and refer to herself as ” this one” or “this girl” or “this slut” or whatever you prefer.

This makes her feel like she is just an object not a person. It also puts her in her place. A place of submission and servitude.

~ PervertCurt

Instant obedience mode

Once you have entered, all clothing will be removed off your person, until nothing save your underwear is left on your person.
This rule is appealing as it instantly triggers the sub into obedience mode, and the it renders them feeling helpless.

Two rules for my sub

1) Daily journal entries.

2) Making daily selection of bra and panties for My submissive.

These appeal to Me because the daily journal entries give Me some insight as to what is on My submissive’s mind and may indicate areas that W/we may need to work on.

Making the choice of My submissive’s bra and panties for the day is simply one of the things that she has given control over to Me.

~Mister K

Dom sub ritual

One ritual I always keep in my relationships is making sure I give the sub a day (Thursday 18:00 – 20:00) when she is free to say whatever she wants (to be improved) in our lifestyle to make sure were both happy and satisfied and this also allows me to improve as a dom.

Time matching requirement

We enjoy the Power play of she must call when she leaves home for work and tells me how long it should take her. If the time doesn’t match up then she is punished.

We don’t do this all the time. But when we do she doesn’t always make it in time so she thinks about the punishment she will be receiving from me when I she gets home. She is usually very ready for everything that I do to her.

Before going out to an event

My sub must do a fashion parade showing three different outfits for me to pick from for them to wear out to that event. If I do not like any of the outfits, they will attend in a burlap sack I keep handy.

~ Rake

Journal Date Night

One night a month set aside to go over assignments given and responses from the assignments that have been recorded in a submissive journal.

A time to focus and reflect with my partner on all of the fun or pitfalls that have happened and strengthen our bond.

~ Miss Mickie

Our Rules for Playing with Others

we only play with other people together and never one on one.
keep each other informed if chatting with others online.
no other male dominants.

Jace Mack

As soon as Dom arrives home

A rule I have for my sub is – whenever I come home no matter what she is doing she has to be at door to welcome me and then bow down.
Reason – to make me feel I have entered the place where I am in charge.

All night tie

Once in a while my daddy makes me sleep next to him with my wrists tied together (usually with a tie or ribbon) but something comfortable…and one ankle tied to the bed with lock and key.

Key in this particular game is always kept in drawer within reach in case of any emergency.

This way all night long my daddy can have his way with me.

I usually wake up to him already inside me.

Sometimes from behind and sometimes on top…but always fun!

~ Lorry

Rules that contradict the normal social behavior

1) The sub should not speak unless specifically given the opportunity to do so
2) The sub cannot look into my eyes in public

They are rules that contradict the normal social behavior and respecting them is a clear sign of accepting the relationship and the balance of power.

~ Kristoff Lustfulsinner

Cuddle time

One ritual I insist on (before quarantine was a thing) is cuddle time. It is a major part of after care for me is just being held. Gives me time to decompress. However cuddling is also a major thing for my partners.

It is a good time to ask questions about anything or make suggestions. It allows us to voice when we want to change something in a very safe feeling environment.

~ Tala

Rules to be in writing

I have found having a paper, or readable copy, of rules, rewards, punishments, and limits to be helpful.

I have tried relationships without one before and can say with all honesty that having it all written down makes it harder to forget things in the heat of the moment.