Text version…
She is always collared. It’s a simple necklace with a simple chain but it holds great meaning.
She was very scared about how thin the chain is but there are reasons for everything.
With her day collar we have a rule.
If the chain gets broken for any reason we have a conversation about our relationship and decide if we want to continue or end it.
If we continue with our relationship we redo a whole new contract to our new preferences. Doing this I’ve noticed helps with building our communication.
~ Master Axis
Reviewing your dynamic
This rule got me thinking about reviewing your relationships and going over your wants, needs, desires, rules and/or your entire contract (if you decided to have one). Here are a few points on this:
When – in the beginning it’s wise to do this often, say weekly, then monthly, then perhaps every six months or annually … or perhaps earlier if the collar gets broken 😉
What to talk about – what’s working for you, what parts are not working and changes you would like. A good question to ask: does this make me happy?
I recently stumbled upon an interesting book called Radical Alignment. The authors, Alex Jamieson & Bob Gower, propose this formula for ANY hard conversation: discuss your
1. intentions
2. boundaries
3. fears and
4. dreams.
Whilst not related to power exchange, this does offer great methodology for structuring your conversation.
How – it doesn’t have to be face to face. Feel free to converse over the phone or through writing if you find it easier. Personally, I think better in writing, so that works for us.
Where – in a private space where you won’t be disturbed, away from prying eyes and ears. This will offer you the comfort to open up, as opposed to trying to tone it down in a coffee shop for example.
I would love to hear your experiences in reviewing your dynamic. Do you have any tips for others?
~ Liliana
What a great post.
Kudos to Master Axis for sharing this superbly crafted rule. And to Liliana for the reminder to Review our Dynamics. Too easily we can become complacent and comfortable. It’s good advice to step back and look from another perspective.
You know this is kinda funny to me. Not the ha ha funny. my mistress /wife had me wear a locked leather collar she would only take it off me when it was time to sleep. Then covid came and we both agreed that it would a bad idea to wear it outside anymore. What a sad state of affairs last year, no big deal today WoW!!!!!! just sayin.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Yes, it’s funny/strange how our priorities and preferences change over time. What we fight for one day, may seem superfluous later on. The human mind is a mysterious creature.
Your advice from Jamieson and Gower’s publication Radical Alignment (intentions, boundaries, fears and dreams) could equally be applied to total authority transfer within a D/s relationship. This is preferred to TPE in a M/s dynamic, as the former recognizes in some part the capacity of the submissive to carry out the instructions of the Dominant and contribute ideas for her consideration on which she has the last word. From experience, when both partners are able to contribute to the dynamic they can learn from one another which can make for a very entertaining and pleasant relationship, which is sincerely and devoutly sought for.
Concerning a structured discussion of an ongoing relationship, agree with the argument for writing in some form so as to present ideas clearly and unambiguously in order to avoid misunderstandings. Have found using encrypted applications like Viber very helpful in introducing and developing topics with supporting visual or aural materials. The need for privacy is very important, so that discretion can be maintained while broaching topics of a deeply intimate nature without judgement, openly and candidly without preconditions.
As now at the stage of having to start over in searching for a like-minded Dominant female with whom to share, enjoy, explore and experiment with kinks shared in common the need for reviewing a relationship in terms of its status and development is a pertinent one. The initial discussion (e.g. What do you want? What are you seeking? What do you enjoy? What do you dislike? What would you like to try?) is essential to establish the Dominant’s palette, and the degree of compatibility. Her happiness would be foremost, although if soft or hard limits were crossed this would require a halt on play or an end to any link.
Wishing you and your partner a safe and healthy time together exploring and enjoying your shared fetishes to the full.
Wow,
Really nice rule.
It helps really to build a good relationship and power exchange.
Thanks Mize Lily😘
I like that, very well written. I’m not submissive but not to say I wouldn’t be willing for the right female. The difficult part is seeking a real dominant and not a wannabe that you always see online. Or one that you pay for play lol. Thank you for this.
In my personal case , it is out of the question to wear a collar all of the time (i have to keep my D/s dynamic a secret for several reasons). I can’t even put the collar on when i want to, because my Mistress keeps it, together with my hand- and feetcuffs at Her home.
I’m only allowed to wear it, when i’m undressed and wait on hands and knees at the door of the living room, for Her order to come in.
I have a sub that I have called my bought wife she was forced into a BDSM relationship and felt dehumanized by calling her my bought wife (I was able to acquire her from her previous master) I have been able to give her back her confidence while remaining submissive. She wears a locked collar the we call her marriage collar that she loves and is proud to wear knowing the significance of it as binding her to me while no longer a mere slave.
So many now get into the lifestyle thinking their sub is for just their pleasure and to abuse but I was trained as a master in the old ways I wish more would take the time to learn what a true master is.